How to Tell if a Spouse has Secrets: 5 Signs

Sometimes we can get the feeling that our spouse is not telling us something. It may be something odd about the way they are acting or talking. Maybe they are behaving just a bit strangely, or in some cases they may be acting very strangely.

Strange behavior by your spouse could mean they are just going through some personal issues that they do not want to share with you. However, their strange behavior could also be the sign of something much worse, such as that they have their eye on somebody else – or even that they are already having an affair. But, how do you tell whether your spouse has secrets of this nature?

Here are 5 signs for how to tell if a spouse has secrets:

1. They avoid eye contact with you:

Since pre-historic times and throughout history, humans have taken the presence of solid eye contact between two people as a sign of directness. Of course, in some cultures eye contact is rude, and in others it is rude not to give eye contact. But, every culture agrees that the eyes are the windows to the soul – especially in the case of a married couple. Many couples know each other so well that they can almost read each others’ minds just by looking into the eyes of their partner. If you spouse seems to be avoiding eye contact with you lately, this could be a sign that they are hiding something.

2. You frequently find them talking on the phone in a murmured voice:

If you frequently come upon your spouse having phone conversations whereby they lower their voice when you approach, that may be a bad sign. Of course, your spouse may be innocently talking about an embarrassing or personal subject with a best friend. Or, maybe he or she is making harmless comments about your marriage as a way to vent but not meaning any harm. However, if you find your spouse consistently avoiding being within earshot of you when on the phone, that could be a sign he or she is hiding something.

3. They seldom talk about how they spend their time with their friends:

While everyone has the right to a private side of their lives whereby their spouse doesn’t need to know every detail, at the same time it is generally comforting to have some sense with whom your spouse has been spending his or her time. If your spouse used to be fairly open about this subject but lately has been tight-lipped, that could be a sign that something undesirable is going on.

4. They read a lot of self-help and self-discovery books:

If your spouse has recently gained an intense interest in self-help and self-discovery books, it could very well be merely a healthy sign that they are going through a phase of spiritual or emotional growth. In this case, you should by all means encourage your spouse to continue exploring. However, if your spouse is engaged in this type of behavior but doesn’t seem to want to share about it in any way with you, this could be an indication at they are trying to figure something out that involves your relationship. Not a bad thing in and of itself, but something to take note of.

5. They cannot or will not explain how they spend their time away from you:

When spouses have been away from each other for more than few hours at a time, it is natural for them to want to share with each other about how their days went when they were apart. If your spouse, on the other hand, seems to consistently give you very scant details about his or her goings-on during the time you are apart, it could be a sign he or she has secrets.

If you suspect that your spouse does have secrets, this is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, the secrets don’t necessarily have to do with having an affair or being interested in someone else. Still, if your spouse seems to be living in many ways a secret or separate life from you, the best thing you can do is to proactively pursue mending your relationship.